A few weeks ago I had a bout of flu and of course the sore throat that seems to accompany it. My chest felt like there was a wet blanket laid on my lungs - it was all quite uncomfortable. I woke up this particular morning did the bathroom bit and went as usual to my meditation Kuti and noticed my mind making excuses not to reach it. "take the dog for a walk," "have a cup of tea first," and of course the obligatory "you should reply to that email before they change their mind." However, I have done enough meditation to know the tricks of the mind. We will do anything to avoid a little discomfort and I knew that this session was going to be a little uncomfortable, and that is why the mind was playing its games. I had been sitting for about five minutes and noticed that I wasn't really engaged, but had this sense of my throat hurts. It was then I decided to get involved. A quality that is vital to mindfulness is curiosity - without it you don't have a mindfulness practice, and I find questions are an excellent way to cultivate curiosity. So instead of sitting there wishing I wasn't, I asked myself a question. The question I asked was, "what is so unbearable about this?" I then took my attention to my chest and throat area and stayed there and looked, listened and learned. What I realised yet again was that if I listened to my assumptions and thoughts about the pain I did not want to go near it in any way. I would just grumble and bumble my way through the session of meditation. But when I took my awareness beyond thoughts and paid attention directly to the experience itself (chest & throat) it was easily bearable. It is so easy to believe our thoughts on any situation in our lives. We believe they are the angels of wisdom and we can trust them. But this is not the case. Thoughts can tell us that we are no-good- this is true and untrue. Thoughts can tell us we cannot do something - this is true & untrue. They tell us we are unlovable - this is true & untrue. They can tell us that we will be alone forever, that we may never find a good job, that we are worse than other people or that we are better than other people - these are both true and untrue. What I mean is that if we believe them that will be a truism for us. For example, if we have the thought/assumption that we are not a very nice person then we will experience that to be true and feel and act that way. But if that thought/assumption is seen and not believed then it has no power. We are then free from their tyranny. This is why labelling thoughts in mindfulness practice is essential. When we have thoughts which are charged with emotion what we can do is label them as, anxious thoughts, angry thoughts, fantasy thoughts, panic thoughts, fearful thoughts or blaming thoughts. In this way we get to know our own mind and see just how repetitive our minds are. As we do this another thing gradually takes place and that is that these thoughts lose their power over us. This is because once we notice and label them we give them no more attention and in fact take our attention back to the the body and breath. If we live in the world of these stampeding thoughts we are forever restless and unhappy. We can liken our minds to the ocean. There are the waves on the surface, always movement, never really still, this is the level of thought. But there are also the depths of the ocean with all its power and beauty. The depths are still and rich with life. It is the same with us, once we live free from the dictates or our thoughts we "tap into" something that is wiser and richer - more satisfying and fulfilling just in itself. We find ourselves happier and more content for no reason. If we go back to my little adventure with my throat and chest what I did was to say to my thoughts, Yes, you are telling me that it really hurts and is unbearable but I am going to check this out for myself. And I did. And what I found was that it was bearable once I got away from believing the thoughts and to have a direct experience of the these areas. I could not find anything that was unbearable. I found sensations, I knew that there was something there that was unusual (I didn't become silly about it or go into denial, and later I still had a throat lozenge) but the experience of the throat and what the thoughts were telling me was my experience were different. And this is the mindful life. It is a life where we pay attention not only to thoughts but to a direct experience beyond thoughts. We learn to listen to whatever sounds, smells, sights, tastes and sensation that are present. These are not created by thoughts but happen prior to thought - and it paying attention to ourselves and our world that eventually wakes us up. And we learn another thing, the difference between true emotion which is created through contact with life as it is, and false emotion which is created through believing in thoughts. |
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